Lightning @ Bruins Game Recap Featuring Our New Turd Rating System

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Sis hates cake and the Bruins hate winning.

Period 1:

Bruins took a 1-0 lead thanks Kevan Miller’s fifth goal of the season with a nice little pass from Kempai Kemmppain Joonas:

Alex Killorn tied it up with a power play goal after an illegal hit to the head on Paquette from Rinaldo. Don’t do that again.

Then Adam McQuaid slipped on a banana peal which led to a 2-0 breakaway and a Callahan goal:

Period Turd Rating (out of 5):
turd turd

Period 1B:
Bruins started the period on the power play but were unable to take advantage. They got their third power play when Killorn went to the box to feel shame for holding Kevan. Bruins had a good chance but Hayes could not settle puck and get it in net.

Stamkos put the Lightning up 3-1 with a power play goal after noted goon Patrice Bergeon went to the box for goal tender interference.

The penalty parade continued with Chara joining Bergeron because embellishment that wasn’t actually embellishment and Palat going off for hooking.

Stamkos was awarded a penalty shot and beat Rask because he’s Stamkos and you knew that was going to happen.

Claude summing up how I’ve felt about this period:
Fucking Joke

Period 1B Turd Rating:
turd turd turd turd turd

Period 1C:
meh

Period 1C Turd Rating
turd turd turd

Game Thread Gif Usage Rating:
gold star

Overall Game Turd Rating:
turd Turd turdTurd

Most importantly, stick taps and all the best to Tyler Johnson.

Satan 81's Sister

About Satan 81's Sister

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phonymahoney
Editor

Sis – I added a “read more” link (and a couple obnoxious lines of my own) just so the entire article doesn’t show up on the front page.
Feel free to re-edit.

the german hammer
Admin

Hey would Gustavsson and Kemppaineneenenenenenpppenen, would they be the Jo(o)nas Brothers?

phonymahoney
Editor

Oh my god.
And what if we got Brodin?

the german hammer
Admin

Now I want this to happen soooooooo bad.

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phonymahoney
Editor

1. Perfect.
2. enjoyed your subconscious “banana peal”
3. PULL THE TRIGGER, DONNY

the german hammer
Admin

I AM FUCKING DYING HERE. This may be the best game recap ever for a terribad game. I love the rating system especially when deployed on Period IC.

phonymahoney
Editor

Thoroughly enjoying the turd rating as well.

IntentionallyWidenberg
Admin

worked for me.
comment image

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