Morning Free Association: Thanks, Hockey Twitter

Yesterday, I learned a new term on Hockey Twitter™: Ratio City. Ratio City is the ratio of replies to the likes/ and or retweets. If the number is high, it means the tweet is a bad one. Somehow, I could have lived without this knowledge but it’s been a slow news week for the hockeys that I care about and this is what happens.

Anyway, Ratio City was being bandied about by the major pot stirrers on the Twitter machine, bringing my attention to this particularly crappy article. I would have embedded it but the article was tweeted multiple times and it didn’t show the proper number of responses.

The ratio is high meaning Hockey Twitter disapproved of it. It’s no wonder- it is an article written by a non-hockey writer for ESPN, the same company that fired their whole department of NHL writers. The writer, David Fleming boasts of writing so many cover stories for the ESPN rag and has a column called “The FlemFile”, which sounds kind of disgusting to me.

Anyway, here is the shitty article. I read it so you don’t have to. Basically, it starts off depicting the Penguins as living in the world of Sue Heck, surrounded by myriad bland motivational posters:

Sue Heck!

Scotch-taped over every inch of available wall space above lockers, on the bathroom walls and even in the hallway leading to the ice, was a greatest-hits collection of every sports motivational platitude known to man. They have put up the posters now for a few years, but this time unfortunately it ended up transforming the dressing room of the once-fierce defending Stanley Cup champions into something resembling a junior-high camp counselor’s office.

The temporary display included such hits as: Attention to Detail. Just Play. Hunt. Own it! And even the all-time work retreat classic — TEAM: Together. Everyone. Achieves. More.

The decorations were an odd and seemingly desperate gesture for a team trying to get its collective mind right before the series slipped away. Yet, as far as I could tell, the only clichĂ© the Penguins didn’t have on display was the one message superstars Sidney Crosby and Evgeni Malkin needed most.

Big-time players make big-time plays in big-time games.

Ugh. Really?

He then continues to emphasize how Crosby and Malkin, you know the only two players on the team, have failed at scoring, but also at their legacies. Blah, blah, blah. Sure, they having been putting up the numbers and Crosby has been being handled by PK Subban, who I heard was actually good at hockey. He rounds out the article by comparing Crosby (2 goals in his last 20 SCF) to Wayne Gretzky in his 1985 SCF. It’s just sloppy work comparing generational talents between two time spans in which the game couldn’t be more different.

This kind of lazy writing is what you get when you fire everyone with specific expertise. I hate that I gave it a click, that I read it, and that I exposed it to you. But, if it gives me the ability to use gifs from The Middle, I’ll take it.

In other news: Ulf Samuelsson has made the move to the Chicago Blackhawks coaching ranks, as if you needed more fuel for your burning hatred of the Blackhawks.

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the german hammer

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