As we all know, the election of the cutest dog of a Bruins player has been a long hard-fought battle of the last decade from last week. It was contentious not only because one candidate, Bodie Coyle, falsely claimed victory based upon no substantial evidence, i.e., zero ballots cast for him, but also because there seemed to be confusion about which Otto to vote for. Only after Otto the bus driver was disqualified did we learn there was a single mail-in ballot located in Monrovia that had yet to be opened and tabulated.
I am sad to say the Monrovians failed to count their single vote cast. I am happy to say that it didn’t matter anyway, because we have a clear-cut winner. It was a write-in.
The winner of the cutest Bruins player’s dog is:
Congratulations to President-elect Joe Biden! His German Shepherd, Major, is set to become the first shelter dog in the White House. The Bidens adopted the German shepherd from the Delaware Humane Association two years ago after initially fostering him. pic.twitter.com/qv37hAjVWO
— Humane Rescue (@HumaneRescue) November 8, 2020
Major Biden was declared the winner at 2:32 pm on Saturday November 7, 2020 after receiving 75,404,182 votes.
Now I know what you’re thinking: How can Major win this election? Sure he’s a dog but he’s not owned by a Bruins player!
Well, I know that that should disqualify him, but hear me out — when Major wins we all win.
Major brings his older brother Champ along as his First Brother and his parents, President-elect Joe Biden and First Lady Dr. Jill Biden. Yes, Major and Champ are DOTUS, which is a fine acronym and designation. You can learn more about them here.
— People (@people) November 7, 2020
This is Major and Champ. They are the dogs of @JoeBiden and @DrBiden. Champ has already been to the White House, but Major hasn’t yet. Champ can’t wait to show him around. Both 14/10 would be an honor to pet pic.twitter.com/Zwqmx7X6FB
— WeRateDogs® (@dog_rates) November 7, 2020
As you can see, Major scores high on the affection scale. He loves to give kisses and he’s great at getting all the pets. He looks like he’s great at taking his humans on a walk. And he’s a real fine looking young fellow. Watch out ladies, here comes Mr. Steal Yo’ Girlfriend!
As of yet, neither Winnie Carlo nor Otto McAvoy have conceded, primarily because they’re dogs. When asked for a comment, a PR person for Winnie stated that she was relaxing on the lake with her mom and dad and little sister, Emmy Lou. She could not be reached for personal comment. Otto McAvoy was tucked in for his afternoon nap and has since declined to comment.
Bodie Coyle’s legal team was last seen trying to hold a press conference outside 4 Seasons Embroidery in Framingham, not the Four Seasons hotel in Downtown Boston, continuing to state their position of widespread voter fraud and condemning the election. No one went to the presser.
So, there you have it, the election is over for now. Remember, the election cycle will start again in January!