Morning Free Association: We Have a Winner!

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As we all know, the election of the cutest dog of a Bruins player has been a long hard-fought battle of the last decade from last week. It was contentious not only because one candidate, Bodie Coyle, falsely claimed victory based upon no substantial evidence, i.e., zero ballots cast for him, but also because there seemed to be confusion about which Otto to vote for. Only after Otto the bus driver was disqualified did we learn there was a single mail-in ballot located in Monrovia that had yet to be opened and tabulated.

I am sad to say the Monrovians failed to count their single vote cast. I am happy to say that it didn’t matter anyway, because we have a clear-cut winner. It was a write-in.

The winner of the cutest Bruins player’s dog is:

Major Biden!

Major Biden was declared the winner at 2:32 pm on Saturday November 7, 2020 after receiving 75,404,182 votes.

Now I know what you’re thinking: How can Major win this election? Sure he’s a dog but he’s not owned by a Bruins player!

Well, I know that that should disqualify him, but hear me out — when Major wins we all win.

Major brings his older brother Champ along as his First Brother and his parents, President-elect Joe Biden and First Lady Dr. Jill Biden. Yes, Major and Champ are DOTUS, which is a fine acronym and designation. You can learn more about them here.

As you can see, Major scores high on the affection scale.  He loves to give kisses and he’s great at getting all the pets. He looks like he’s great at taking his humans on a walk. And he’s a real fine looking young fellow. Watch out ladies, here comes Mr. Steal Yo’ Girlfriend!

As of yet, neither Winnie Carlo nor Otto McAvoy have conceded, primarily because they’re dogs. When asked for a comment, a PR person for Winnie stated that she was relaxing on the lake with her mom and dad and little sister, Emmy Lou. She could not be reached for personal comment. Otto McAvoy was tucked in for his afternoon nap and has since declined to comment.

Bodie Coyle’s legal team was last seen trying to hold a press conference outside 4 Seasons Embroidery in Framingham, not the Four Seasons hotel in Downtown Boston, continuing to state their position of widespread voter fraud and condemning the election. No one went to the presser.

So, there you have it, the election is over for now. Remember, the election cycle will start again in January!

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the german hammer

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IntentionallyWidenberg
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IntentionallyWidenberg

Congratulations to Major Biden! I appreciate this victory which has been achieved without humping the wrong legs.
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Satan 81's Sister
Editor
Satan 81's Sister

Morning all. Congrats to Major Biden!! And I thought his nailed his victory speech. His message of “arf arf arf” and “ruff ruff” made me feel like we might be entering a new era of hope and positivity.

IntentionallyWidenberg
Admin
IntentionallyWidenberg

And it turns out those fears of campaign toys being taken away by Otto’s master were completely debunked when it was proven that he was merely disposing of a stale bag of Cheetos!

Anonymous
Guest
Anonymous

Hi All!
I think im safe in saying that this is a Major victory! Turns out most Monrovians cant count. That explains the confusion. Lets hope Joe has as much bite as Major. Some of the sheep will need sheparding.
Just in town for supplies, pardner. I
ll be heading back to the hills tomorrow. Carpenter still unavailable. He and his fiancee bought a house and he needs to get it ready for winter. I just keep plugging along. Got to keep shuckin, got to keep jivin.
I do aim to get my ass into the river sometime today. Best laid plans of mice and men, aft gang aglay, eh?

Satan 81's Sister
Editor
Satan 81's Sister

Put your damn pants on and get out on the river!!

The London Bear
Member
The London Bear

As of yet, neither Winnie Carlo nor Otto McAvoy have conceded, primarily because they’re dogs.

LoL. They at least have an excuse.